just flow

The structure of Artificial Intelligence paper(thesis) : I used this to automate this work (describe the algorithmㅡmethod), I did this, I did this, I did this... It's all the same format. I wonder if I can read them as an object of my thought instead of just reading and writing only to graduate, get the master's degree.(Hopefully, the topic can be applied in practice, but what does he mean by humanity? It burdens me because of the co-worker is very authority man who are working as doctor, professor of National Hospital.  Is this research really have some meaning to human life? Burden of authority. I really want to recognize by authority. I really want to have authority. In the papers, the significance of "What this research signify for human life?" is roughly described, but (in fact, it is mostly written for filler rather than thinking about the actual significance of this research...) So, most of the significance part is lightly passed, and only the methodology is re...

Most of my favorite music has a certain regressive vibe to it. Far from progress, far from advancement. Staying in place and rippling. Going backwards and disappearing. An album by a musician named methadrone (who collaborated with Nadja) that I really liked as a kid was titled "retrogression". But the field I studied and work in - engineering - is a progressive discipline and industry. My favorite music and the industry I studied and worked in for so long are completely opposite in their fundamental nature. In fact, I like to progress as much as I like to regress, so studying engineering is a good fit. I think it suits me because I can feel the fear of death in a situation where I'm pressed for time and the development doesn't work. I went through an incredibly schizophrenic period of being caught between these two fields, and I still haven't fully integrated them in myself. There is no such thing as regression in engineering. Moore's Law. Technology advances...

My favorite musicians had one thing in common: they are able to deal with ghosts, non-humans, and non-humans as "subjects" in their artworks. Bringing in the other as a subject while hiding their own identity as much as possible. The other as a "subject," not as a "tool" to make themselves stand out. Bacterial phages, ichneumun, sodium sulfate, lichen, earthworms (regenwurm in German it looks cool, but just earthworms in Korean), the genus, Ampfer (plants). These are the materials that our favorite musicians have titled to their tracks. From bacteriophages, which are between living and non-living things, to the material, they brought them into the work. In addition to his work, Rodelius also worked in nurse guide of dying in real life, accompanying people who were nearing the end of their lives and were not human in the usual sense. Aki Onda is not my favorite, but he is on the rising (in my inner world), and he already released an album called "make ...

Why didn't I fit in with the people who love minority issue? Though I expected I will really fit in with them. People who listen to the voices of non-logos/white/subject/male and queer/minority/refugee/non-subject/excluded people. People who have compassion for the underdog and a strong sense of human rights and ethics. I expected that I would get along with these people because I have a deep sense of minority (though people can't recognize that), but it was shattered, and I was completely blown away.  In other words, their fundamental temperament was different from mine, so why did I fail so miserably? Recently, I've been rethinking this. The range of "minorities" that have entered in the barrier of these people's vision are those who "live and breathe" in the "real world". Women/queer/refugees... to be confirmed with these identities need to be "seen" in the real world. These identities are not readily apparent on the internet. ...

 The reason I shunned feminist/PC artists was because of the because I felt like they were trying to force others into the feminist/PCist "mold" that they wanted to see, and I had a lot of trouble with that. They have a certain idealized version of what they want "women" to be (empowered, proactive, active, unyielding...etc). It's like analyzing movie characters from a feminist perspective.  I felt that real women also "impose" a certain image of what they want women to be (female subject). Even if they don't say it outright, I feel it implicitly.  Unspoken. People who have studied a lot of gender theory have this gender-critical gaze as a default.  Expecting others to fit into their image of women. Seeing others through the "lens" of gender theory instead of seeing them as they are. Using others as tools for your own ideas.  Because all women are tools, already on your ideological radar. Using people you don't know as proof of your i...

 The desire to absorb universal discourse. It's the main thing that kept me in engineering for so long.  To absorb universal truths, to get away from my own personal preferences, from my own minority characteristics. To eradicate my idiosyncrasies as much as possible and acquire universal knowledge.  Mastering universal reason as much as possible. Getting closer to the truth. To know the truth was the only purpose of my life, and I thought that scientific knowledge was the closest thing to a universally applicable form of truth. I spent years stripping away my tastes, mastering universal knowledge and scientific logic, and my mind was shattered. I stopped studying engineering in graduate school and went through a period of not belonging anywhere (unemployed) and selling art before becoming an engineer.  I think I'm at a point now where I'm reconciling my personal tendencies with my search for universal truths. Even now, I'm not a fan of minor discourses like feminism...

There seems to be a lot of people making good music these days. There are also people who make good music in the Seoul scene. There are sensible people. But the problem for me is that when I see their Twitter traces, I get really stressed out, and I lose interest in their music because of the traces in their "language". I read that some people who are cool in music do it as a means of feminist activity, revenge (?) against male artists who traumatized them, and that made me lose interest in music.  I wonder if music is just "revenge" for men... It may be, but to me, people who write such "articles" don't look cool no matter how good their music is.  There were many people I felt victimized by (including feminine artists), but I controlled my consciousness so that it didn't become the center of my thoughts. Because I believe that victimization ultimately makes the "other" the subject of one's own life. I'm definitely a much more ...

Can listening be a philosophy?  I found out that most of the genre music blogs that was popular in the past in South Korea were closed now. (except for the electronic listener bloggers) It's so minor that people seem to have escaped from that. Even if you listen hard,  1. Cannot earn money  2. No one knows your effort.  3. No one recognizes you. That effort is hard to become an official social career, and you don't even get attention because you can't even have people's online sympathy and comments...(...) If you write about book, a generation theory, or a daily article that mixes with philosophy appropriately, you will be able to get online sympathize with it and satisfy your taste of being concerned. I think almost everyone gave up at number 3 (most people are not interested at your activity) even though number 1 and 2 are like that's right. Indifference is such a fatal factor. As Aidan Baker said, "can't make music in a vaccum. listeners are important...

It's been a very hectic time. I was barely making it to work. I listened to the album, but to be honest, I wasn't impressed.

  How can I connect my daily work and my online- musical, art work? My study and daily workㅡprogramming, study-machine learning, and my online artistic,  musical activity as shalyzer, and images. Can philosophical thinking connect twoㅡcompetely splittedㅡnow? I really like the activity based on languàgeㅡ thinking, logic, reading and conceptual think as well as experience in reality. I love rationality. Thinking based on rationalism. Nobody knows my inner, artistic world in my daily life. And I don't need friend who encourages me as an artist.(with expectation to be praised by me) I'm researcher, and philosopher. Not an artist. I'm far from Seoul art scene. Only musical accident that I'm waiting is returning of the disappeared music bloggers. I feel so close about their talent. They had better insight than white people. But they were locked in Korean Web - Naver - which is isolated island in internet. They could not stretch to foreign musicians and felt loneliness in thei...