internet ghosts. Ghost feminism.

Why didn't I fit in with the people who love minority issue?

Though I expected I will really fit in with them.

People who listen to the voices of non-logos/white/subject/male and queer/minority/refugee/non-subject/excluded people. People who have compassion for the underdog and a strong sense of human rights and ethics.

I expected that I would get along with these people because I have a deep sense of minority (though people can't recognize that), but it was shattered, and I was completely blown away. 

In other words, their fundamental temperament was different from mine, so why did I fail so miserably? Recently, I've been rethinking this.

The range of "minorities" that have entered in the barrier of these people's vision are those who "live and breathe" in the "real world".

Women/queer/refugees... to be confirmed with these identities need to be "seen" in the real world.

These identities are not readily apparent on the internet. On the internet, you can't fully believe that somebody is a man or a woman. This is a sociological identity, so it needs to be confirmed in the offline, social, and visible world.

ㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡㅡ

But the people I've been most strongly influenced by, and I'm still being influenced by, have used the internet as a fundamental source of survival. 

Because..they can't find people who they need in real world.

People who have an identity and a physical body that is actually moving in real-world, but whose real-existential body is on the Internet, or people who have a period of time when they were not able to live offline and only lived on the Internet. 

These are people who have experienced hikikomori lifestyle firsthand. I also consider myself to be a hikikomori, a person who lives and breathes on the Internet, not the person who lives and breathes in real society, and I consider the Internet to be my fundamental identity.

 The difference is that when I was younger, I could only use the internet, but now I can live in the real world too. Now I can live in two both world, though my real existential identity lives in online.

I think I was in a kind of out-of-body state when I could only live in the internet. I didn't want to own something, didn't have any desire to consume. 

Even when I had money, I didn't want to buy anything and want to do something. 

I've been in a state where my mind and body are really disconnected, where my pain is not my pain, where I can't feel my emotions as "mine". 

It was like being dead. During that time, I could only use the internet. Of the separated body and mind, only the mind stayed on the internet. It took me a lot of pain to escape the Internet, to reunite my mind and body, to make my body run with my mind, to go back to the offline Muli world, to put on my human desires, and to go out into the real world.

On the other hand, when I reflected on the ethical people totally broke with me, I realized the fact they had never used the Internet as a source of survival; for them, the Internet was just an extension of their identity in the real world, and they had never experienced the life of a hikikomori who survives only on the Internet, LIVING in the Internet as their home base. They had never gone through the agonizing years of trying to "escape" the world of the Internet. The world they only knew was the offline world, society, and therefore the only underdogs they could recognize were the underdogs in the offline world.

Internet ghosts.

Even those who had a high sensitivity to the weak were unable to apply their ethics towards Internet ghosts, as they were unable to recognize their existence. Hikikomori and ghosts were beyond the reach of even the most ethical people.

In the end, it seems that all feminist and other minority discourses are aimed at subverting the "subject". To make the unheard voices heard.

But because ghosts are dead, they can't be central to sociology. Feminist sociology focuses on the living. The marginalized groups of people (black people, people with disabilities, etc...) were living people.

To be marginalized in sociology, you have to be alive. In the real world. Ghosts - dead people, internet ghosts who only live on the internet - are not even recognized as marginalized. Can they become subjects?

Can ghosts [minorities] have a voice and become subjects among the living (majority/vested interests)?

Ghosts need feminism too. Ghost feminism! But ghosts don't have a gender in the first place, so we can't even use the word gender-based feminism. We need a different word.

In retrospect, I think the people who fascinated me the most were deeply immersed in ghosts, shamanism, gods, religion, and philosophy. Because they weren't drawn to the living.

These people scared me too, so I avoided them, forgot about them, and went on with my life in a normal way, only to be triggered by some accidental event and have my life sucked up again.

Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)